you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Randomize
