omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
