this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
