She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
