are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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