I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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