You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize