You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
