when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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