no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
