so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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