we have officially mastered the walk of shame
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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