can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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