My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
