Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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