you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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