My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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