There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
