It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you inspire me to be a worse person
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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