New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
