So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
