When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
