Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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