Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
