"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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