He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
