It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Randomize
