trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
