bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
