...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
