the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
