My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
