I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
