already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
