Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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