my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The power of my boobs compel you
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
