where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
