I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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