The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
