hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
