but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
