Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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