Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
