I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize