I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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