So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
