Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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