i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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