sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
