What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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