i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you win again, gameday.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
