Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
