i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
