I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
