Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
