I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
