Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize