my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize