If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
