You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
