It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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