Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Randomize
