I'm so fucking centered right now
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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