I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
