omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
