Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
