Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Vodka?
Forever.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
