did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize