I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
