i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
COCAINE IS GR8
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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