She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
