Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just pee around me
I AM VODKA MAN
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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