4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
