the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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