pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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