apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize