Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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