also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
