It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Dear god my vagina.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
