How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
