Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
