My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
