Jerry, you need to find god
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
