please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Randomize
