Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
